I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
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