so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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