i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
