Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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