I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
