I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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