ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize