i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
