I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
