can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The adults are the big ones right?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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