Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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