Yo dont text me then not text me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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