I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
