I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
