Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize