I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize