Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
