I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
