The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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