he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize