have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
