Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
