hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
