tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
