I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
