I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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