I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
