i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
