Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
