I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
