Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
