call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
