I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
