One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
