The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
