Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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