after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
