Got a toothbrush?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
