yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
