You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
