I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
