Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize