I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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