We're facebook friends in real life
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
