i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
