it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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