Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So squirting runs in the family.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
