My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
