Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
