you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
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