You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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