White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
