WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
