Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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