Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
did you just send me my own nude
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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