i need an iv and a liver transplant
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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