i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we're making bets on your personal life
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
me + whiskey = a bad person
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
