She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
