Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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