You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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