I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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