Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
