Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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