Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We have started to decorate penises.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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