How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
