he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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